The battery is on E across the board — Portugal wedding right into a full week at work and Outpost as we gear up for a full slate of events this summer.
Trying to coordinate the design of a cigar wrapper from a dinner table in Portugal is hard.
Came back right into another wedding. Tanks Low.
That said, with all these weddings, figured I’d offer a few thoughts on wedding attire.
I’ll be the first to admit I skew a bit hardo when it comes to formalities of dress, particularly at a wedding. I smile thinking of a story my pops once told of a bride’s father who had just stroked a big check for the Four Seasons and made it clear to all in the wedding party that jackets were to stay on for the duration…I get it.
So let’s break it down to the two dress codes I continue to see and how to dress for them.
The cocktail party Friday
Prompts likely include “cocktail attire,” “formal casual,” and some other misleading or difficult-to-interpret memo written by the bride.
What she’s saying is: wear a jacket.
The difficulty here is staying formal while not wearing the suit you dust off once a year for a job interview you didn’t get.
Here’s where I’d reach:
Sid Mashburn blazer & Kakis
J.Crew Ludlow suit
J. McLaughlin jacket
Add a pocket square from J Mueser
And lastly, the tie isn’t going to kill you — you don’t need to go silk, but a nice cotton piece or better yet a knit brings the outfit together.
Todd Synder Knit Tie
Black tie optional
Now in fairness to guests, this confusion starts with the host here. Drop the “optional” for the love of God. I get it — the optional part is a hedge for that weird uncle you have. “Your Uncle Dick doesn’t own a tux, we can’t make him wear one.” Guess what: black tie mandatory or black tie optional, it doesn’t matter what you say — Uncle Dick’s rocking up in the same Hawaiian tee regardless. So drop the optional. Your family spent a million bucks on the wedding, ask that your guests wear black tie.
However, the “optional” isn’t going anywhere, so I’ll let you in on a little secret — unless you’re the weird uncle, black tie is not optional.
I understand that spending $1,000 on a piece you wear once a year sucks, but if you’re under 30, you’re likely staring down the barrel of 5–10 events where you’ll need a tux. The best part about the piece is as soon as you buy one, events requiring them seem to pop up. Headed to the opera? Maybe I’ll toss on that tux…
You’ll get use out of it, I promise — like my good friend Nick says, “I always got the tux ready.”
A few thoughts on how to do it best
Please, please, please do not do a self-tie wrong.
They don’t look good — I’m sorry, they just don’t. “No one can tell.” Everyone can tell…or actually, maybe they can’t, but you can tell who tied their own and it makes a difference. Not sure how? Lock yourself in a bathroom at your next wedding 30 minutes prior, toss on YouTube, and you’re good — I promise.
Cummerbund
Hand up — I often forgo the cummerbund, honestly just out of laziness, and I shouldn’t. A clean black cummerbund is great. The rule is: if you’re not wearing suspenders, you should have a cummerbund. Dates back to theater days — folks would put tickets in the cummerbund (the more you know).
Shawl vs. double-breasted
I wear a shawl — how often do you get to wear a jacket with a shawl? I also have a velvet for the winter, but let’s not go there. Start with a shawl. If you want a second, go double-breasted. Then get the winter piece. Then you unlock the final boss — white tie dinner jacket.
Cufflinks and studs
Day one, you just spent $1,000 on a piece — go simple. Grab a few knot links and studs. When the well fills back up, reach for the Tiffany links or the RL studs. Rome wasn’t built in a night.
Shoes
Again, I don’t own patent leather — I’d like to, but I’m just not there. I did just buy a pair of black Belgians that probably bought me a few years until I reach for Sinatra’s favorite: the opera pump.
Two final thoughts:
Black tie — or even formal wear at a wedding in particular — is not the time or place to experiment. Ditch the patterns, don’t go for the flashy bow tie. If you must, sure, toss on some fun shoes. I love expressive clothing as much as the next guy — splatter paint pants, racing jumpers, overalls, the works — but formal wear is best when left to the classics.
And lastly: jacket stays on all night.
Cheers y’all
